"Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire"

So Hubby and I went to his parents house for the Holidays this year...yes, I know I am such a good wife that I spent my FIRST married Christmas at the in-laws (you can pat me on the back when you see me; maybe even send me some cookies).

Being the well-mannered women that my mother brought me up to be, I asked what I could be responsible for in regards to the Christmas Eve Dinner. I'm sure you already know where this is going... :)

I assumed that Hubby had already told them of my various incedents in the kitchen so his mother and sisters were merciful and simply gave me the task of providing, "that lovely salad that you make!"

Whew! Most everything in this salad was pre-packaged, so very little room for error existed. No biscuit dough needed rolling, no KitchenAid mixer to deal with, just lettuce, cranberries, bacon and candied walnuts. Four simple ingredients...how can I possibly mess this up?!

Christmas Eve comes and it is time for me to start prepping the salad. I have all of my ingredients out and ready to start. For the candied walnuts, i needed to pre-heat the oven. Hmm, what temperature did I need again? Whatever, let's just set it to 350 degrees. done. I toss the walnuts into the oil and sugar mixture and when everything is fully coated throw them on a pan and pop it into the oven. On to the next task...

I peel each piece of bacon away from the other, gross. Put it in the frying pan and wait. Somehow the stupid bacon was not cooking fast enough so I had to stand there impatiently waiting while it cooked.

As I am standing over the popping bacon, i suddenly hear my mother-in-law shreaking my name! I turn around to see smoke billowing from the oven....

My face turns to horror as I realize I had completely forgotten about the walnuts. As we pull out the pan I see the blackened, shriveled walnuts sizzling on the foil.

Choas ensues and I almost burst into tears thinking how could I have screwed up SALAD?!

The Hubby's family all leap to action:

My father-in-law runs to the back door, throws it open, then runs to the front door to open it screaming, "We need a cross wind, we need a crosswind!!"

My mother-in-law is wadding up the foil to stop the smoke and the Hubby grabs the fork out of my hand tells me, "he'll do it!" My sister-in-law and her husband run into the kitchen to see what the action was all about.

I am still standing, bemused, in the middle of the kitchen.


In the end, the smoke is blown out of the house by the crosswind and the burnt walnuts are cooled and put in the trash...and I start over. The Hubby with the bacon and I fully focused on nuts.

Success! Lesson learned...don't try to multi-task in the kitchen!

After the bacon is crisped and the walnuts candied, I head off to take a shower and to wash away the day's failures.

Until the next kitchen crisis, adieu.